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Mini blog - Stop thinking about someone you dislike

There is something really indulgent and satisfying about thinking about someone you hate and rehashing the horrible things they have done to you. But I want you to know that you are losing precious time thinking about someone who is not wasting a minute of their thoughts on you.

So whilst you’ve spent hours stewing over how awful they are and prolonging these negative feelings, they are merrily going about their day in total ignorance.

It’s important to remember that whatever that person did to you is not a reflection of who you are but rather where they are at in their journey. Maybe they had an awful day or, heck, a series of awful days and they are so caught up in their lives that they cannot see how they are causing you grief.

And you always have a choice. Ask yourself what good are you getting out of thinking about someone that you don’t value? What is the payoff? If there is none, maybe it’s time to gently forget about them. If that fails, give the below exercises a go.

Write it all down

Writing a spiteful letter to that person and putting down exactly what you think of them can help. Don’t hold back at all. Use as many expletives as you wish too. Once your letter has been written, rip it and flush it down the toilet or burn it. The process of writing can really help you let go of the anger and frustration as you are transferring it on paper.

Before you shake your head and say this is not going to work, I ask you to please give it a go. Have you ever received a drawing from a child or a love letter from your admirer? Did you keep them or hold on to them? You did because it makes you feel good and also because you know the person created this keepsake for you with all their heart.

Daily limited slots for complaints

If you find yourself rehashing negative thoughts about the person constantly, tell yourself to stop. Allocate 15 minutes a day at the end of the day where you allow yourself to indulge in all the complaining and negative thoughts you want. Slowly reduce the amount of time you dedicate to that person every day.

If you are struggling to let go, try to focus on the task at hand. Look around you and truly take in your surroundings. What can you smell, what colour are the eyes of the person talking to you, how is your body feeling?

Remember not everyone is for you. Just accept that this is not one of your connections and let them go.


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